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Dear Ukrainian landlord,
I'm sorry I had sex so loud
the walls are just really thin here
I swear I'll try to keep it down
Dear Ukrainian landlord,
I promise I will buy a gag
I know you're trying to watch Matlock
I'm not judging you for that
you know what I mean, it's hard
that's a double entendre
you know what I mean, it's hard
to rhyme anything with double entendre
Dear Ukrainian landlord,
I'm sorry I had sex so loud
the walls are just really thin here
I swear I'll try to keep it down
Dear Ukrainian landlord,
I didn't mean to keep you up so late
it's just that I have a weird schedule, like
Mondays I have scrabble
Tuesdays I'm in a pool league
Thursdays I host this open mic
I usually go out on the weekends........
you know what I mean, it's hard
that's a double entendre
you know what I mean, it's hard
to rhyme anything with double entendre
Dear Ukrainian landlord,
I'm sorry I had sex so loud
the walls are just really thin here
I swear I'll try to keep it down
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all of your friends think you're the bee's knees
but you sleep alone at night
suffocating between the sheets
planning your next great masterpiece
with ego in tow, you go
running around like you own the place
I'll just wait until you fall on your face
you and your high bred coterie
your upturned noses, no Guns n' Roses
flattery, just battery
I can see why you're mad at me
your idiocy is like a venereal disease
spreading like wildfire
amongst your peers
here's three cheers to my apathy
I can see why you're mad at me
I don't want you
that thought haunts you
you can go weep in your skinny jeans
catalog this in your symphony
yeah, I can see why you're mad at me
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you started with good intentions
you had all of your white lines drawn
like a road trip through your indiscretions
you keep on trucking on
but all the people that you know
can see from miles away
fucking up is just as easy
as someone changing lanes
and they say: oh oh oh; she's a terrible girl
I thought I was treading lightly
or at least staying afloat
but my problem's growing mountainous
I've built myself a moat
and all the people that I know
keep their distance now
what I touch just turns to stone
a sculpture in a glass house
and they say: oh, oh, oh; what a terrible girl
I can tell by your demeanor
you don't mean any harm
you should tell by my subtle candor
that I'm ringing the alarm
all the people that I've loved
don't come out unscathed
you better run, it's just no fun
or worth the exposé
oh, oh, oh; I'm a terrible girl
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my little brother says the world is good
and that we just need a little shove
I turn the other cheek, I say it’s cold
and it’s dark, and it’s hard to survive.
but my mom think that I need to see a therapist
my dad thinks that I am an embarrassment
I tell them that it’s just not fair of them
to condemn me
because assholes are everywhere, there’s nothing I can do
I’ve tried to ignore it, but it’s bleak, and I’m blue
and there’s nothing you can say that won’t make me cry
so I might as well just shrivel up and die
My little brother thinks we have a chance
if we’d just get our heads in the right places
I turn the other cheek, I say we’re damned
if there’s a god, we’ve fallen out of his graces
but my mom says, “Lily, you have such great hair!”
and my dad says nothing ‘cause he’s not there
so I mope around the house in my underwear
what the fuck else am I supposed to do?
because assholes are everywhere, there’s nothing I can do
I’ve tried to ignore it, but it’s bleak, and I’m blue
and there’s nothing you can say that won’t make me cry
so I might as well just shrivel up and die
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I took a klonopin, rewrote my history
salvaged what was left
you can't imagine how my rock bottom
is semi soft at best
still I'm an emblem, the human condition
destined to retrace steps
how I've forgotten the system is rotten
there's mold on the crumbs I've left
as I take these fatal steps, creeping to my awesome death
I can't say that I'll regret never having proved my pain
if you can't hear a cry for help, you must have drowned inside yourself
mistaking muffled moans for stealth, I'm not going to try again.
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Her name was Magil, and she called herself Lil, but everyone knew her as Nancy in the black hole that was her 20's. You can find Nancy McG elsewhere if you try hard enough.
released January 1, 2010